Explordinary*

With kitty on the mend and acting far more like himself I am feeling more and more able to start to relax and not think that every hiccup or long nap is a sign of impending doom.

Since March 14th or so, I have really not been able to focus on much of anything with great depth. So it is like starting from square one all over again...I still am working on catching up with some sleep and keeping up with the copious amounts of admin work that comes with being an artist.

It, among other items, are seemingly deeply kept secrets that are never shared

with students who are wanting to become artists.

Well working ones. 

With this struggle to regain my momentum I have been a little hard on myself....I'll own up to it

me circa 1973..I am as tall as a goat, amazing

I know I am not the only one that does this...my birthday is a mere two weeks away and it has me thinking. You know those mortal thoughts about your own life.

The reassessment of all that you are and who you have become...

What the hell am I doing, how can I be a better person, what can I do with my time here...have I already wasted it all? Is it too late for new adventures and thoughts.

My birthday often has me wanting to reinvent myself too...new haircut, new styles, improved ideals.

There has been a lot of death this year, with family, friends and far away places...in fact I cut myself off from news all together for a couple of weeks after the Japan earthquake and tsunami

(you still can make a donation to the red cross or animal rescue groups, check out my sidebar).

 I was glued to the television at one point watching an Al Jazzera report, in Chinese dubbed in Russian, and subtitled in English reading off the towns that were destroyed and the climbing causalities counts.  I was terrified to turn off the reports for fear that someone would be forgotten.

I found myself doing the same thing after 9/11; It happened with the newscasts in New York too....watching, weeping as people pleaded to help find their missing loved ones in the chaos.

I was so deeply effected it paralyzed me, literally.

So in an effort to protect myself and my shaky sanity I turned off the news, both online and via TV...it was hard as I am quite a newshound and enjoy knowing what is happening outside my home. My choice proved to be a good one when the first rains arrived and my hubby let slip that this was the first sheet of radiation rain...I went white and he remembered I had no clue what was happening!

I am still cautious about what I read...there is a lot of fear-feeding going on right now.

So with the lack of sleep, the heavy work load, self imposed time lines and goals, impending birthday and fear mongering I am looking to what I hold dear and near.

Remembering what I value most and what I aspire to still achieve.

I am sure these next few days will be interesting ones...hold on it could be a bumpy ride

Life is not for the faint of heart, but boy I appreciate this...it is far better then the alternative!

* Explordinary= my god daughter was watching a film and a scene came on that had a boy and a girl kiss; with a squeal she rolled into a ball and covered her eyes, only peeking thru her fingers and asking me to tell her when the scene was over. When I said they were done, and all seemed to survive just fine I asked, what was going thru her mind. Was it embarrassing, or scary or what? She said no to all my suggestions but instead said it was explordinary...
I am still not sure what that means, but with the smile on her face and the giggle in her voice I would guess it means...a thrill!

Nurse Maid

So I had just made my final payment on my credit card, making me officially debt free last Wednesday.

It had taken years...but I did it.

Then the cat threw up.

He had been under the weather for two days, but he was stressed and believe it or not, our cats get gastritis.

So I was letting it run its course.

Well this event, was more then vomit, it was violent vomit. He stopped eating and drinking so by Saturday I found myself in the office of a new highly recommended vet. They took his temp, looked him over, felt his belly...and then she said she felt a mass.

My heart sank...a mass.

I was beside myself, and worked hard to contain my emotions.

 I had not slept in several days, as I jump out of bed every time the kitty gets sick.

As I want to be there to console it but also to clean up the acidic mess before it leaves a stain.

 (ok I am a little OCD about it)

Well we decided we'd take an Xray and see what there was to see:

Well when they pulled up the digital image I froze...then said to myself, ok...um maybe that is a marker.

( like when you feel a lump and they scan the area around where you feel the lump. )

Turns out this object was inside the cat...not outside the cat.

So we packed ourselves up and rushed off to the ER for emergency surgery...

We had been to this ER before, in fact 4 years earlier (almost to the day!) we were there with our other cat who was in total renal failure because he had been eating poisoned pet food (remember that pet food thing where animals all died or got sick from melamine in the food. We had one of them....well two of them, but only one was in total renal failure. In order to save the life of that one we rushed him to the very hospital we were at again. They saved him and we had months of recovery with both...now he is a healthy fat cat four years later.) So there was zero hesitation getting Xander to this hospital.

Hubby joined me shortly there after and we checked him in for emergency surgery.

We are not sure how he ate this item, or what it was, or how big it was, but it was killing him so it had to be removed and pronto!

While he was getting his bloodwork and getting settled into the ICU we were filling out forms and DNR's (which is really a practice in torture: do you want us to preform CPR, crack his chest and massage his heart or just let him die a natural death) I made hubby sign that one, it was too much to think about.

Then the estimate, timeline, recovery, risks,...another test of love.

 I asked to see Xander before all the tests started...they lead me in and we chatted and kissed.

His instructions were simple from me: needed to behave and wake up from surgery.

We waited at home for results as there was nothing we could do waiting at the hospital. I also had promised my niece to make her birthday cake for her party the next day, so I had a good distraction tool while we waited for results.

He turned out to be a healthy cat with a hardware nut (like nut and bolt) in his small intestine.

The surgeon removed it and we have it as a keepsake. 

Xander spent three days in the ICU with his own private nurse before  

I was able to take him home Tuesday evening

and

haven't slept since; as he has a list of "do-not's" the length of a dictionary.

He is recovering well...slowly but well.

I am thankful...very very thankful.

Xander started his life off as a forgotten kitten dumped in the back of a market in Los Olivos. He was on deaths door for the first two months of his life. We adopted him at four months old and were tasked with "fattening him up" so for the first three weeks he lived with us we sat next to him and made sure he ate.

7 years later we are doing the same thing.

He is my sweet little puma, indoor tiger or wild little beastie.

He is stubborn, smart and quick. 

He is our companion, our comfort, our entertainment.

In some ways our child...

though I am always frightened to sound like a crazy childless cat lady

He is due to get his staples out on Tuesday...this morning while he had his e-collar(big cone around his head) off to eat and groom

He pulled one staple out.

He now has to keep his e-collar on until Tuesday, for his safety and our sanity.

Until then I gladly carry on being his personal nurse maid.

Thankful Thursday

We have been on quite a roller coaster, things in life are not always easy.

Sometimes and often for us, when it rains it pours...

and we get hit with several things at once.

I know all will be ok and that

"life is what happens when you are busy making other plans"

or

"make plans and god laughs".

Regardless I have found myself simply thankful in the wake of it all.

So today I mark as my Thankful Thursday:

I am thankful I have a wonderful man that I get to call my husband

I am thankful that I am lucky enough to have wonderful family (FYI:friends are family too)

I am thankful that there is food in the fridge

I am thankful that we are warm and safe in our home

Hang in there wherever and whoever you are

Wordless Wednesday

North of Ojai

I've got the music in me

So my adventures started back on Thursday night...I was super excited about seeing a favorite band play a really small venue in town, I had turned it into a really cool night in my head...I was conjuring up visions of  "where's fluffy"

What I ended up with instead was a really really late night and a couple of panic attacks!

There are times I am having recently where I feel like I am suddenly aware that I am the oldest person in the room. The room can be a restaurant or a bar or a venue...it has been happening more often, sadly.

I am just too cool I guess

The times for the concert were hard to find and so we arrived at 6 to eat some dinner before hand and then get into the all ages show that was suppose to start at 7pm....well 7 pm was arriving and no one else was. I snuck next door and they were doing a sound check!...I was so excited. I embarrassed hubby by dancing and peeking in the door between the sheets of concert posters posted.

It turns out doors were not  opening until 8pm.

No biggie, we sat in the car while I had a panic attack that I had left all the doors unlocked. ( I freak out about that when I stress) we went to a gallery and found it filled with children...then a coffeeshop to have a hot beverage while waiting for the doors to open.

We returned to the venue after 8pm to find a line outside, still no entry

We were quickly approached by two super cool guys who were from the bay area, one was a student and the other was days away from leaving for the Ukraine with the Peace Corps.

The tall bay area guy started to talk to us about the concert asking if we knew the opening act...at this I was shot a look from hubby. I didn't know there was an opening act I said...to which I was given a small course on how cool the band was and how they are so much like this band or that band...he spilled a list of bands out as comparisons and I knew most of them but hubs was lost and I watched his hair turn whiter in his beard.

When the ultra fan walked off, hubs turned to me and said "I don't know any of those bands, I am glad you do. Boy I feel out of it and old"

We got inside and it was already loaded and packed with the Ultra cool...we were clearly out of place!!

The super fan returned and told me that the opening band, that he was beyond stoked on, asked him to do sound check for them...he was now in orbit.

It was odd that of all the people he could have met up with outside and chatted with he chose us,

even if I was old enough to be his mother!

ignore crazed eyes...It was past my bedtime

At 9:30pm the opening band came on, Soft Moon...I was very very glad that I have become so obsessed about earplugs these days...years of post concert ringing has me wearing them in movie theatres and other music venues.

The music started and right away I could hear the similarity to their inspiration The Cure, except this band likes to play mostly in the low fidelity ranges...you know the kind that makes your heart beat differently, you feel the pressure of the sound waves all around you :

After a half an hour of it, I was starting to get concerned that I was causing some sort of damage to my brain.

I had secured two bar stools for us to sit on for the concert, and was glad for it, as this whole scene started to unfold and the people watching became more and more intense I began to laugh...really simply laugh.

I was laughing at life... it felt like I had found the secret underbelly that I had searched for all this time.

It was surreal and strange and new and EXCITING.

I watched a couple make out on the balcony overlooking the stage, I watched guys hit on girls at the bar, I made eye contact and smiled with good looking men as they walked into the scene....(some call that flirting) I watched the "pretty girls" steal seats of a couple and then act like they were theirs all a long.

I laughed when the band expressed the crowds apathetic feelings for them,

I held my ears and laughed at it all!

After a break and some more time...the band finally decided to come on stage at 10:50pm!!

I was an old lady by then, I had been up since 5:30am, worked all day and rushed to get food and to the venue in time.

At the break I bitched to my hubby, that they were being DIVAS and that I was disappointed it took so long to see them....I felt myself age as I said these words.

When the band began to play we left our seats and moved the the balcony for a better view. The band was, um... lets say....slow...and flat...and we stayed for three songs and then left for home.

I was so excited when this had all started and so jazzed when I heard the sound check earlier...but when they finally had their moment in the sun with me...they blew it.

Speaking of blowing it, remind me to tell you about the time I met Mary Ellen Mark....one of my photo influences

As we left we passed a burger bar and saw two people eating a handful of hamburger, my mouth watered and I got sad that they don't have late night veggie burger joints.

*note to self add that to my list of lottery winnings ideas

The following day had me feeling like a zombie, and realizing that I am not 20 any longer I can not be the noctural and daytime person anymore.

Friday was work and most of Saturday too, and then Sunday we drove 5hours to spend 5 hours with dear friends. We seem to be getting really good at that! Whirlwind road trips to spend time with friends or family.

It was worth it and I took a bunch of pics

My latest adventure was last night...at the urging of my sweetie, who is all about getting me to enjoy myself, I earned "passenger status" and sent text messages to some friends.

I am sorry but I hope they were amusing, they amused me!

Jane Russell

You helped me understand how to be comfortable in my body

thank you

Have a smooth journey to your next adventure

Geek at heart

Serious Geek alert, you have been warned.....

I have been waiting and searching for a workshop to take, one that I could afford and be inspired by...
clearly those two concepts do not always go hand in hand.

I was told about a letterpress studio that was a short drive away and so I contacted them and I got signed up for a day of Letterpress 101

I was super excited as I have been dreaming and researching letterpress for a while....I have become a serious letterpress fan.

Much like the love for the sound of a shutter on a medium format camera...oh that is such a lovely wonderfully intoxicating sound, soo too is the sound of a letterpress to me.

I wasn't allowed to take Industrial Arts in junior high, my father was afraid I would cut off my fingers or hurt myself in some way....so I never got to take shop or anything. Instead I got a half a semester in home economics class with a teacher who thought I was going to blow up the kitchen or break the sewing machines.

so all this is BRAND NEW to me and super exciting.



I took the day off work and traveled to the local letterpress studio for an introduction day.

The studio was the artists converted garage, it was filled with three presses, flat files, an antique paper cutter (that looked like railroad equipment) and blocks of font and packing supplies.

I was given a quick overview of what each machine was called and how they use almost exclusively photopolymer for the letterpress now. (the same stuff I make my etchings with) except you needed to mail away for it...and so I was given a selection to pick from for the demo.
I picked a little bunch of poppies that she had drawn.

She showed me how to cut the paper and then how to ink the platen and turn on the Chandler and Price 10x15 press...

and then the sounds...ooooooooooooh the lovely sounds of the machine working.
I felt like a combination of a train engineer and Dick Van Dyke in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
I was running this amazing machine that made things!
(super geek I know, I warned you)

I was shown how to load the art into the machine and we made notecards.

then it was all done.

I asked about Vandercook SP15 which is what I imagine when I think of letterpress, and was shown hers, it is used mostly for bookmaking which her business does as well. I had mentioned a desire to make a handmade book and she let me know that she could help me with that if I wanted.

All in all it was an informative day, I was given a general overview and printed some cards.

I can add it to my list of information and resources

and

now know that I need a bigger studio if I was to include letterpress into my life!

I came home with visions of a bigger studio in my head and dreams of printing all day and night long

here is my fantasty studio