This is your past calling....

I was moving stuff and unearthed a box of old photos.

Among the treasures I exhumed was a postcard I sent myself.

Yep, I am that person....I send myself a postcard the last day of the journey telling myself how I was feeling at that moment or what I had learned.

It arrives days after me, and usually just as the "paradise is fading from my memory" and I am getting back to reality moment.

 

I wrote this to myself back in 1997

I read it again today with a smile on my face as this is what it says:

 

Well- here I am and there you are- two way different places-but still one person. You can depend on yourself- and know how long and short time can be, hours, days, months. Feet are tired, ankles sore- emotionally exhausted. but-in a sense a bit afraid of getting into a groove-becoming set in my ways again. Remember movement-simple movement. walking barefoot-walking the dog-motion is what you need and know that returning can be just as good as coming- the swing is in your heart- you have the ability to come and go and don't let that be taken away.Continue to say what you feel. Be aware of what you need and tell him- don't back down as you wouldn't want him to do.and make art-your soul needs it. Send slides-invest in yourself and enjoy time. Don't wait for it to pass (as I am doing now) be loving-take another chance and give it. Know that you are a strong-confident woman-keep that damn smirk on your face. Keep them wondering.



I am so glad I sent myself this card....it is like a pocket mantra.

Post birthday

OK so I have really sucked at posting to my own darn blog...I am tired of saying sorry about it so this is my last time!

so there.

In the last two and a half weeks, my mother has essentially almost literally imploded and I was running back and forth like a crazed lady trying to keep things straight, keep myself emotionally in check, inform way too many people about every move via text messages,
and get some food and or sleep.

Yes, these were often interchangeable.

So now that the pace has slowed down...to a lower humm of chaos. 

I am back at trying to tackle the lofty aspirations I have for myself and my art calendar.

Sadly, in the wild and crazy wind of it all, my birthday approached and
when it arrived yesterday I was spent.
I had nothing left for myself or to give to others.

This made me very very sad and I started my party early the day before
 by throwing myself a pity party.

After about an hour of crying, I pulled myself up by my tattered and worn bootstraps
 and got myself out of the house.

My goal was to get hubby a CD that he really wanted.

I was grumpy still, not totally happy with my choice to leave my own party early...

As I was driving to the shop, via side streets (just to keep me out that much longer) the car in front of me slowed WAY down for what looked like a little leaf in the road....well when I saw three men standing on the sidewalk watching, I pulled over. It was not a leaf...it was a baby possum!

the smallest little wild thing I have seen in a long long time!

not the one I saw but just as cute and small

These men, stopped traffic in one direction and I stopped it in another, and slowly and lovingly escorted this little lost baby back into the garden it had wandered from.

It was a good deed, we were all very happy to see it waddle back into the undergrowth of the urban garden and hopefully tell the tale to its momma there.

At this point my mood shifted totally. I didn't want to go back to that stupid party...it was silly

I stopped at the overloaded and sensory overwhelmed beauty supply store and

I bought myself a bottle of the liquid gold that seems to tame the mane, I only buy once a year:

$20 a bottle for conditioner seems too much
so instead I buy it once a year and ration it out

After that I bought some brownie mix and headed home to eat some leftover Chinese food and bake brownies for work. Hell, if my birthday was gonna suck, it was because I was gonna let it.

I would have none of that.

When the sun finally came up, well actually, when the alarm finally went off (far more accurate)

I made some "I am awake sounds" to let hubby know...once he made his, he grabbed me and said, HAPPY BIRTHDAY...that made me smile and then I sang at the top of my lungs and much to the cats disapproval this song that was playing on the clock radio:

This act had us in hysterics in moments....

it ended up being a quiet birthday. A vast vast change from years before when there was usually a party or loads of friends. But it seemed fitting, I was emotionally spent and it was about all I could muster. As I am now in the day after birthday reflections, I am very thankful for my hubby who wrote me a crazy romantic love note on facebook which just about knocked me out of my chair...my family who loves me dearly and the friends who took time to wish me a happy birthday.

I really really am OK...a little shaky at times, but it is gonna be another exciting journey around the sun this year!

On this day...

I don't watch television or listen to the radio on this day...I don't like to remember this day.

This day was a devastating day for too many people (understatement)

and I don't like to relive it or be reminded of it.

It is not that I do not acknowledge it, or honor it...it is simply too too painful still.

Five years ago in the early morning hours I was sitting on my Nana's bed, whispering into her ear, smiling with a brave face and taking deep breaths for her. She meanwhile was struggling to take her own air and was slowly slipping into her next journey...

I know she if fine, she told me so...but it still hurts.

10years ago I was working at a map company and my job RADICALLY changed from a simple customer service person, to a witness, a confidant, and a person of interest. I was thrown into the chaos of the day, all while trying to comprehend what was happening and terrified of the immediate hate that that would be set into motion. The simple interesting job that I had taken on a mere year beforehand was now all consuming in my dreams and thoughts.

This day set into motion several more years of nightmarish phone conversations

from strangers and officials.

I don't like to remember this day; not because I do not care, but because I care so so very much.

Jane Russell

You helped me understand how to be comfortable in my body

thank you

Have a smooth journey to your next adventure

Murdull the Magnificent



Murdull Turtle 1989-2006



Beloved Miss Murds left us back in 2006 after a long battle with kidney failure.

She is still often thought of

and

sometimes seen as shadows around our home still.

Miss Murdull was a lovely little lady, who was social, patient and kind.

She was a wonderful company keeper and companion and loved a good car ride.

She was the widow to Egon, her life long companion, and mourned his death for a good 6 months.

She was a wonderful napping friend, as not only would she keep me warm and well protected, but her impression of a motorboat via her loud purr was often a lullaby for many of us.

Murdull loved the sun and was known to spend long hours on the patio stretched out on her woven grass mat soaking in every ray she could.

When not sitting in the sun, or napping she was a chatty kitty telling us many stories and listened with much interest in others tales.

She would often remind us what an excellent mouser she was and how she caught many a rodent in her hayday! She also enjoyed petting goldfish

Never one to be told what to do, she was instrumental in making sure Bo dog (my brothers dog) was in line to her needs and maintained respect for her authority.

Today we remember her and send sweet love her way, may you always have warm sunshine on your belly

xoxoxox